Falling for Mirages
Posted: Wednesday, October 29, 2008
by Jennifer Cuddy
The age of globalisation has its pros and cons. We are now able to share ideas and engage in instant communication with others across the globe. This open forum has unlimited power to influence our ideologies, and has created an all inclusive online community without geographical borders. This expansion of the exchanging of ideas is having a tremendous impact on our ( otherwise limited) social circles. We now have an online mystique of our selves that is separate from our real selves engaged in normal day to day activities. Most certainly, our online selves are a grandiose like presentation that is manipulated, and therefore, not exactly a true representation of who we are in real life. Yet, people are becoming more and more gravitated towards these online relationships with people that are based upon mirage like identities. For example: Do we really know the true identity of the person behind the strokes of a keyboard?
One stroke on the keyboard, and a cyberspace friend can be swiftly deleted. We move on, ever searching for more intrigue. But does this intrigue only add more fuel to the fire of a growing disappointment with reality? How closely do these myspace illusions of our selves match who we truly are? Or are our online mystiques most influenced by an innate need to be accepted, applauded, or even loved?
Social networking sites are not very different from the formation of certain "clicks". We define and promote defining ourselves by who we present as our chosen list of online friends, and these "mystiques" become indirect reinforcements of how we define ourselves - which inevitably creates a more and more blurry representation of who we are as individuals. "I am not so and so who I choose to represent me, yet I want to be identified through their mystiques as being representations of who I am." However, I think more and more these boundaries are becoming obscured, and these online mystiques are increasingly becoming a very large part of the way we define our true selves. But what of the discrepancies? What's happening to our sense of realism?
I can see how enticing it is to be swept away with this online image because we can manipulate ourselves in to someone much more grand than who we really are. I also wonder what this means to us as human beings? Are we dissatisfied with our real selves? Also, if these representations of our selves are grandiose, then isn't it easy ( yet surreal ) to fall in ( false) love with these people? And then what happens? More often than not, people would prefer a sort of distance with the people they claim to be their online friends. But I do think that some genuine affections are being formed with these people. Unfortunately, the geographical distances between us prevent real physical interactions. It is very easy to subconsciously lie to people who you know you will never meet in real life. And it is because of this open forum/closed geography that any genuine emotions and affections are relentlessly unfulfilled. I know, I've fallen for these mirages to my own detriment. It has created this dilemma of wanting what one can not have. But is what we want, or better yet, is "who we want" merely an illusion?
This Article has been viewed 1,195 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Hi Jennifer, what a powerful and though provoking piece. It is so true that we can quickly align ourselves with people online who fuel our doubts and fears and help us to become someone why might not really want to be. But you are right. It helps us to feel loved, and needed. When in reality, a lot of times is just an illusion. Where are some of these people when we discover the real us? Do they still support us?I think as a whole, people have replaced the cyber-world with the real one and have forsaken community and real life relationships. I suppose its easier that way because then we don't have to fear the possibility of face to face rejection. God created us to need people and have real relationships where we accept eachother with all of our imperfections and we can build eachother up from the inside out. On-line friends are great, and it can be a great place to build genuine relationships, but that only happens as we expose the real us.Thanks again for a great article that made me thinkThanks Teresa,Please note that this article is targeting sites such as myspace and facebook, and not SW. Now that I no longer have a myspace, I do feel a great sense of loss. But on the other hand, I have to reflect upon how this myspace generation of virtual reality is effecting us on a sociological and psychological level. I do think that people are really starting to prefer this virtual reality to real life, and in a way, we are becoming increasingly isolated individuals, spending hours upon hours on the computer rather than physically interacting with people. It's an escapist dream world of incessant make believe.And I am fearful of what might be the future implications of this preference. There is some good, but there is also a great deal of falseness to it. How often we now run to the computer to check in with our cyber friends, meanwhile ignoring our neighbors and avoiding real social activity? And lastly, how does this effect our expectations of people?Thanks again!So true, I can't tell you how many times a day I check my email, but I do love the friends and family in my community. I love the local church and I love meeting new people all the time.I just bet there are alot of great people in your community who will be blessed to know you and vice-versa. It taking that leap of and stepping out of our comfort zones that's tough, but well worth it.And I agree, I would say Searchwarp, though there are a few phonies for sure, is a great place to meet honest, sincere, and genuine people.
Well, school and work and this compulsion to write leaves me with little time to develop a social life. I have a few friends, and a now and then again boyfriend, but not nearly as many as I used to.On myspace there is really only one or two people who I will sincerely miss.One in particular...I think he knows who he is.
Jennifer, a very thought-provoking article! Perhaps some of this stuff helps explain why I'm very opinionated in forums like this and in letters to the editor but I generally withhold my opinion in person. Hiding behind something seems to give me more courage of conviction, so to speak. I guess I'm like the person who would normally never want to offend anyone but would flip an a obscene gesture at another driver while behind the wheel of car. Being enclosed behind all that metal gives them more courage -- and less courtesy!Yes, I think that social anxiety is a big part of what hooks some people more than others. Or creativity, too. It's easy to get lost out there, it's so overwhelming. But myspace and sites like them create a sort of high school locker room mentality. But it's all for show. It's a popularity contest.And I refuse to allow myself to fall in love again with another ghost.although, if my particular "ghost" just so happens to be reading this..I suppose it has its pros *sighs*
"Or are our online mystiques most influenced by an innate need to be accepted, applauded, or even loved?"Yes.This is actually the main motivator in agreeing-with-the-crowd mentality (rockers and punks dressing in IBM-like uniforms for accpetance as they promote a perceived difference) or those who look for the perfect body, wealth, success in the number of degrees, length of resume, or awards on their wall and the importance of the hands they shake.Most people live mundane lives, yet they seek so much more but lack the desire or ability to take the necessary risk or make the necessary sacrifices to do so.So what do they do? Where do they go? The Internet where they can be Super Person leaping great bounds over inhibition and weak resolve in the real world.But this lack of confrontation not only with self but the real world will come crashing down personally and socially or on a larger scale in the future. Many social experts have researched and examined this phenomenon, and some of the results have not been pretty.But regardless of the Internet, there are other ways to avoid, ways that people have been using for decades. Unfortunatley, most live Walter Mitty lives because they don't address their weakness and fear. It's just that the Internet provides an easily accessible avoidance device. With or without it people must confront the self. And according to Dr. M. Scott Peck who's been writing for over 35 years, way before the Internet, people rarely confront the self. And in doing so, it will only lead to death bed regret. A final and resounding regert. One that we all must avoid at all costs by taking on our fears first-hand, overcoming and becoming that which we need to be that which each of us was put here to be--to do those special things only we can do.Good article. Keep up the good writing. Peace!Thanks, And those are some good insights to ponder on as well. I would like to see that research.And this escape from the mundane, and wanting to be the person that you just couldn't be in real life, for whatever reason, is so overhwelming that it is near impossible to give up once one has started it. They don't call it crack space for nothing! But it is really kind of scary. It's a constant ego reinforcer. But it's a warped sense of self esteem, because deep down you know it's a lie.Some people might only have their real friends on there, but once you cross that international line..it becomes a bit of a competition.That's great, "Crack space." Yes, there are so many getting addicted to technology even. I was talking to a fellow instructor and he mentioned that he went to see a student perform in concert, and even after being told to keep their phones, iPods, and Blackberries off, he noticed looking out from the back all the light coming from the hand-helds. More and more now I walk by people looking down into their phones and hand held devices, so few looking to the people and potential connections immediately before them.
And there are the addictions that the Internet has spawned as well. One of them being games. A student of mine spoke of how when she didn’t play her video games she treated her parents rudely. And there are also online addictions such as gambling, porno (a huge problem), collecting, and all that you've mentioned. On occasion, when I walk through one of the libraries on one of the campuses I teach, I very rarely see kids doing homework. It's usually games, MySpace, email, or some other form of entertainment. Sad but true. And yes, it is all quite frightening. Thanks for the article.
Yes, we are extremely technology dependent. Did it all start with the channel changer? lol
An excellent article, Jennifer. My virtual friends and I have discussed this topic at great length in years past. Thanks for presenting it as well as you have. All the best to you. :)Thank you. Though SW and online discussion forums are not quite like the narcissism involved with creating these entire "me, meme" ode to me myspace pages. We are a culture of voyeurs and exhibitionists. As if the competition in real life were not bad enough! Or perhaps this is how we cope with the pressures..Thanks for reading
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.